Daily Dose of Blackness: Ten racist things these Black students from Surrey, B.C., are sick of hearing

1. “Can I have an N-Pass?” (permission to use the N-word)

The N-word has been popularized, monetized and claimed through pop culture and the Black community as a word for Black people to use as their own and no one else’s. It is a highly controversial and confusing topic within the Black community. It’s used casually, intimately and artistically by Black people but now is often (and wrongfully) appropriated outside the Black community. There are disagreements about how or if the word should be used by Black people (and among our group), but we are in 100 per cent agreement that it should never be used by anyone who is not Black. No Black person should feel pressured to somehow give others “permission” to use it. Don’t ask us. It is not appropriate to ask anyone for an F-word pass (used to dehumanize the LGBTQ community) so why would anyone hand out an N-pass? The N-word is too powerful and hurtful to pass around so easily.

2. “Can I touch your hair/skin?”

What it is about my skin that makes you so curious to touch it?

I don’t feel comfortable with people touching my skin or hair. I put a lot of work into it and asking to touch my hair or pet me is treating me like a dog. When you ask like that, it makes me feel alienated; it highlights that you think we are different, exotic or something.

Growing up Black means that you automatically stick out here; we know that we look different. But feeling so different when everyone bleeds the same blood is a terrible feeling. When you ask to touch our hair you dehumanize us, like we are a puppy with soft or frizzy hair. But we are not dogs. It makes us feel like we are on display. It is true that we are in fact different than you, and, believe us, we have to recognize and live that fact every day. Please do not sensationalize or exoticize our hair or skin.

3. “Is that your real hair?/Why is your hair nappy?”

This is another similar one we all get a lot, especially women. Many Black women wear protective hairstyles, and many will add extensions. This sometimes causes other people to notice the hairstyle and ask if it is real. However, this offends many Black women and belittles them. All Black hair is beautiful. Black people struggle with society bringing us down because of our hair and yet a lot of non-Black people want appropriate our hairstyles — dreads, cornrows, Afros, etc. Our hairstyles are something that are really important parts of our culture and identity — and historically have been hated on, mocked and laughed at. Now though, all kinds of non-Black people want to wear our hair styles — suddenly our hair is “just a hairstyle.” Hair is really important, please treat ours with respect.

4. “Why are you ‘yelling?’”

This is a question a lot of Black people, especially Black women, get asked when speaking their minds or voicing opinions. For example, when a Black girl speaks passionately, she is perceived as aggressive or “ratchet” or angry. When it comes to other women from different races voicing their opinions in a passionate matter, people tend to see them as a “woman who knows what she wants” or “feisty” or “assertive.” All these positive words are suddenly gone once it’s a Black woman behind the “aggressive words.” This phrase plays into other racist stereotypes.

Teenagers are often yelled at or told to be quiet when we are having a good time together — like on the bus, say. But when it is all Black youth, somehow we are perceived as not just noisy or rowdy, but scary or dangerous.
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5. “Do you have a dad?/Do you know your dad?”

‍It is already hard enough to compete against Black stereotypes, but it is always really hard to with kids and adults making Dad jokes to us. We understand that you might be trying to be sensitive and not make assumptions that everyone lives in a two-parent nuclear family, but you need to be mindful about the long history of derogatory and racist assumptions about Black families, Black men and Black fathers.

6. “My husband/best friend/girlfriend is Black, so I know how you feel.”

We have all been in situations where a person tries to comfort us by saying things like this, claiming they “understand” us. People think it is what we want to hear, but imagine someone saying that to you. Having a Black friend is great, especially for white people — this does allow cultural understanding and knowledge to be shared. This is significant in fighting racism. But this does not mean you get to adopt our struggle.

Yes, you may have Black friends or a Black significant other, but just because you know their stories and struggles, it doesn’t mean you can relate to them. That is because you haven’t experienced racism first-hand and felt the way a Black person has faced racism.

7. “I’m 1/8th Black.”

Growing up, most Black kids struggle with accepting their identity or “Blackness” due to society making it hard for kids to express it. It’s disrespectful for people to claim their Blackness only when it’s convenient for them. This statement usually comes up when an individual who’s not Black purposefully says the N word. They use it as an excuse to demonstrate and explain how they can say it since they are “1/8 Black,” which is an ignorant thing to say, because most of the time that person doesn’t actually know what being Black feels like. Seems like everybody wants to be Black without knowing the hardships we have to go through as Black teens and children.

8. “It was a mistake/I just slipped” [After dropping the N-word]

If you accidentally say the N-word or it just slips out of your mouth, it means you probably say it when you know you shouldn’t be saying it. You don’t just accidentally say a racial slur to someone, chances are you probably say it on a regular basis and it’s a normal word for you in your vocabulary. Just stop saying it, OK?

9. “You should bleach your skin.”

This statement is often said in different ways to kids as early as preschool, with many young people who haven’t grown up around Black people not understanding why some people’s skin is so dark. Lighter skin is many people’s idea of beauty, subconsciously seeing Black people as ugly. This comes from the Western view of white beauty versus dark beauty. Please do not suggest that we wish our skin was lighter. We don’t. Black skin is beautiful.

10. “I prefer lightskins over darkskins.”

We think it is OK to have preferences as to who you are attracted to. But there is a difference between having a preference and being disrespectful. Saying things like, for example, “Ew, I would never date a darkskin.” When people who are of darker skin hear others talking about preferring lighter skin colour, it may create an insecurity for them for having dark skin. It can cause them to make themselves believe that lighter skin is more desirable. This wouldn’t be a conversation if the element of disrespect wasn’t involved.

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Daily Dose of Blackness is a group of young Black people from Guildford Park Secondary School that comprises Reim Elradi, Remas Elradi, Denzel Guedes, Abdi Hassan, Janene Kabiira, Sincere McKnight, Fatuma Maki, Saliema Maki, Anati Manzoul, Biraima Nimir, Abdi Rage and Vanessa Wilson, with Jethro Kambere and Matt Hern. They are a new cohort within Solid State Community Industries — a non-profit that builds workers’ co-operatives with youth in Surrey. They will be launching an online magazine, website and podcast centring on the experiences and analysis of Black youth. The Star Vancouver invites local people to step in as guest editors each Friday and have their say on an issue that’s important to them. Next week, David Long of the Greater Vancouver Food Bank writes about the human right that is access to affordable and culturally appropriate food.

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